Moments
by julia-neHH
Summary: My change of the ending of HH. Everything is flipped and a sudden twist.Got my inspiration from song Moments. After reading give it a listen will ya ;).


**Moments**

It's been a week and a half since Eddie has been missing. It's been a week and a half that people keep repeating the same bullshit. 'Eddie's dead. Eddie didn't make it. You need to move on. He is never coming back.'

I laugh bitterly at their remarks. He is alive. He has to be. I would've felt it if he had died. I would've… But I didn't and that could only mean one thing: he's alive. He is and he needs to be saved. I want to escape from this cell and search for him. But my mom and the police don't let me. She intervenes and uses the same old excuse. "If you do anything suspicious and Eddie is alive, they'll snatch him from your arms."

I hate that. I hate it how right she is. I spent my days in pain and denial. I cry myself to sleep each night. I can't do this anymore. Without Eddie I feel like a part of me is gone. My other half is not with me. I wake up late at night screaming his name. I'm afraid of falling asleep due to the constant nightmares of Eddie leaving me and disappearing. Nightmares after nightmares, I can't take it. The pain is too much and there's this huge gap missing. I feel so empty and lost. MY light is gone and the only thing I can do is indulge myself in music. The only way I can be close to Eddie. I write songs for him. Telling him about my day and how I feel. I write to him how each day without is more painful and unbearable.

I miss him.

I love him. I didn't even get the chance to tell him. Slowly as days passed and no news of Eddie. I start to believe that he is gone. That he is never coming back to me. I will never hold him in my arms and kiss him. I will never be able to breathe again. I feel the tears stinging my eyes and I just let them fall. Because that's all I can do. Cry.

"Honey?"

I hear the sweet voice of my mother filled with concern. I sniff and wipe the tears away. But they keep rolling down. When are you coming back Eddie? I want to be with you. My heart is breaking and I can't heal it. You're gone.

"Yeah?" I let out a soft cry and the tears roll down. Please come back.

"How are you doing?"

"Good." I said between cries. I shake my head and cover my face with my hands. I am far from good. I'm a mess and I feel like I'm suffocating from all of this. I regain my composure and wipe the other tears. "Any news about Eddie?" I breathe heavily and my mom pulls me in embrace.

"I'm sorry honey."

Of course. But every time I ask this question I'm hopeful that someone comes in and tells me he's alive. That he's not dead. That he's just missing but not dead. I just want to hear something that'll assure me he is alive. She cupped my cheek and a few tears roll down her face.

"I know this is hard on you. But no matter what happens I'll be here for you. I'll always be here for you. Eddie is with you too honey. His presence lingers and he is protecting you."

I nod my head and more tears roll down. But that will never be good enough. I want to hold him. I want to be with him. I want to able to feel him and touch his face. I want him with me. I whimper and hold her tight.

"Please never leave me. Tell me you will always be my side."

"I will. I promise you I'll always hold you like this and never let you go." She cries with me and holds me tight.

"Smile honey. Smile for Eddie. He wouldn't like to see you like this. So just give him one smile."

I sigh and my cheeks are wet from the tears. My lips twitch upward and my mom smiles back at me.

For you Eddie.

* * *

It's been a week and a half since I have last since Loren. It's been a week and a half since I have been stuck is shed immobile. Actually I can move fairly well, is just that Jeremy and Lia keep me here. Every single damn time I ask them to take me to L.A they always change the topic or use their fucking excuse that I'm still hurt and I can't move that much.

I need to see Loren. I need to hold her in my arms and kiss her. It hurts me seeing her in so much pain. The pain she is going through right now I can't bear to see. She thinks I'm dead and I just want to hold her. I just want tell her I'm alive and I'll be with her. Everything will be okay. It will. She will be in my arms in a matter time, if I ever get out of here. The only thing that has kept me sane are my dreams. Each single dream I dream is about Loren. She's the only reason why I haven't cracked in frustration and agony. She's all I think about. I always ask Lia to bring me magazines and I instantly search for a picture of her. I hold the magazine tightly against me and doze off to dream about her. She's the only reason why I want to go live.

I love her.

"Eddie what are you doing!"

I was walking around when I heard Lia shout behind me.

"Walking." I dead-panned. I walked towards her. I was still limping but I got around more easily.

"Sit down. You haven't healed completely." She pushed me towards the bed and pulled away from her.

"Are you for real? Don't you see I'm walking with more ease?"

"But—"

"Lia, I'm not going to be stuck in this shed hiding forever."

"What do you mean?"

"I want you to take me back to L.A."

"What? No. Do you want to get arrested?"

"I need to go back there." I pleaded her. Please just take me to Loren.

"Why? What is in L.A. that you would risk your life?"

"Loren."

She looked at in disbelief. "A girl. You're sacrificing yourself for a _girl?_"

"She's the woman I love."

She looked slightly taken aback and looked at the floor. Her composure slouched almost as if in disappointment.

"And I'll do anything just to see her again."

"Eddie…"

"Please Lia." I begged. "Just this once. I… I just to make sure she knows I'm alive."

"You must mean so much to her."

"She means the world to me." I crossed my arm and held my breath for her answer. She looked at me confused battling if she'll help me out.

"Okay… but if something goes wrong. We're out of L.A."

I nodded my head and smiled. "Thank you. You have no idea how grateful. All you have done for me. Thank you." She nodded her head and walked outside of the room. "I'll pack up. Get ready."

I nodded ecstatic. Loren, don't worry I will be there. I'll hold you again babe. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. Please don't cry anymore, I'll be there and I'll kiss them all away.

* * *

Life is cruel. Life is not sweet and giving. And when it is, there are always conditions. You don't know them so you just take them. And when you become attach to them. Life is the bitch who takes it away from you. Eddie was taken away from me. And I hate life so much. I don't know what I will do if I lose someone else. I don't know… my reasons for living are all gone. My inspirations and motivation are thrown out the window and into the trash. Life is harsh.

I was in the car when my phone rang. I picked it up and it was Max.

"Hello?"

"Loren…" His voice was shaky and he barely managed to say my name. In alert I clutched my phone. Eddie.

"What happened? Did you hear something about Eddie?" My hopes skyrocketed and I got off the car rapidly and ran to my house.

"Loren I-I" He whimpered and I stopped dead on my track. NO. NO. NO. He's not dead. I shook my head in disbelief. He can't be. NO. I'll not believe it. The tears roll down and slump on the floor.

"No. He's not dead. He's not." I shook my head and the tears rolled down. He's not. He's not. He's supposed to come back. We're supposed to have a happy ending.

Happy endings don't exist. And more tears rolled down. I whimper on the floor.

"It's not about Eddie." He choked and I quickly stood up. He's not dead. There's a chance he's still alive. A smile forms on my face as a small hope rejuvenates.

"Where are you Max?"

'I'm in your house."

I rush and open the door. Max looks at me with pain in his eyes. Tears are rolling down his cheek and rush to him. I breathe heavily begging him to tell me what's wrong.

"Max…"

He shakes his head and tears roll down. His body is shaking and small cries come out.

"What happened?" I grow impatient and scared.

"I'm so sorry Loren." He says through muffle cries. I step closer to her and tears roll down. Tell me what happened.

"What's wrong?"

He whimpers and his body is still shaking. The tears roll down and start shaking as well.

"She was crossing the street when a car flew and-" he choked on his words covered his mouth. His blue eyes were crystal with the tears rolling down. I stared at him wide-eyed and shook my head. This can't be happening. This can't. No it's not possible. No. No. NO.

"No. That's not true." It's not.

"She didn't make it Loren." His body went rigid. Mine began to shake uncontrollably.

"Stop doing this. That's a lie. No. I don't believe it." I shook my head and began pacing. Tears were rolling down. She's not gone. She promised she'll always be here with me. She can't be. Nora Tate breaks a promise. She's not. SHE'S NOT!

"Loren she's dea—"

"I DON' WANT TO HEAR IT!" I covered my hears and looked at Max. Pain was evident in his eyes and the loss of another one was in the air. She's dead.

"Maybe it wasn't her. She was confused with another woman who looked like her. Maybe she's still walking around." I nodded my head believing the lie I just told myself. "We need to go find her. We need too."

Max closed the door and shook his head. He looked at me straight in the eyes. "She's gone."

I looked at his chest finally letting that statement in. I stared at his chest and tears kept rolling down.

"She can't. She promised me." I slid down on the floor and covered my face with my arms. I cried uncontrollably and body kept shaking.

She's gone. I'll never see her smile whispering words of comfort. I'll never wake up in the morning and here her joyful voice yells good morning. I'll never taste her food again. I'll never call her just to talk to her.

Just like Eddie. She's gone. Never coming back to me. What's my reason for living if two of my most important people are gone? Where do I stand my ground if I can't wake up in the morning feeling happy and ready for the day? Where do I go to when I need comfort? Melissa, she'll be gone to college and we'll be off our separate ways. I stand up and with the small strength I have I push Max aside and left.

I left to my hill. The last view my eyes will ever see again.

* * *

"I sent her an email through her website telling her to meet me in the hill."

"What if she doesn't get it?"

"She has to." I nodded my head putting all faith that she'll read it and go to our spot.

"Eddie…"

"I know. If she's not there we'll leave right away." I cross my fingers praying she will. I need to see her again.

"We already wasted time going to Fresno. Our time is limited."

"Yeah…" I had asked her to take me to Fresno to search for Chloe. There I asked her to go around asking for a Cynthia Kowalski. Luckily she found her address and we speeded up there.

Chloe will be Chloe. I had asked her to put the charges off. What did she say? She will do it if I broke up with Loren. We argued, I was in no way breaking up with Loren. Not now, not ever. I left with no success but with a small hope Chloe will wake up and do something good once her life.

"We're here."

I nod and get of the car rapidly. I sprint up the hill and I see someone. Loren. Please let it be you. My speed up. It's her. I grew with concern when I see tears rolling down and she shaking. She sighed and looked up at the sky. She turned around and was at the edge of the hill.

What are you doing?

I hurry up. But my legs aren't fast enough. Slowly she starts falling backwards and rush for her. I dive in to grab her hand. Why? What happened? Why are you doing this?

"Loren!"

I was too late.

* * *

What is this?

Mom? Eddie?

I hear him yell my name as I'm falling. I see him extend his arm for me too reach. I don't remember anything after that.

Where am I?

Heaven? Hell?

Or maybe it's in between. I feel blissfully good but I have a strong pain on my left arm. Is it broken? I think it is. My head hurts. I want to go to sleep.

Mom. Eddie. I'll be with you soon. Just wait for me.

* * *

Impatiently walking on the cell. I look at the clock.

Loren…

Why babe?

Why did you do this?

I sit on one of the chairs and tears begin rolling down. I start to shake uncontrollably. You can't be gone. This is not possible. I was so close. So close to hold you in my arms again. But slipped through my fingers. Why?

"Eddie."

I look up instantly and only end meeting those evil blue eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

She sighed and looked at me with worry. 'I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Shut up!" I got up and stepped closer to her. "You're screaming out of joy right now. You're celebrating that she's gone. Shut the fuck up." Tears were rolling down but anger was shown. She flinched at my tone and shook her head. "I'm not that bad." She whispered. She sighed. "I told the police the truth… I told them it wasn't you who pushed me."

Before I was able to say anything else. She left. "I'm sorry Eddie."

I stood there stunned. I'm free. I should be happy. But I'm not. I'm free but for what? Loren is gone. She's not here. I sit back on the seat and tears roll down.

Why did you leave me?

* * *

"How is she dad?"

"I'm sorry son."

* * *

Hey.

Guess what.

I'm actually doing better. I still miss you. There's not a day I don't think about you. Every day I wake up wanting to get up and hug you. But you're not there and complete sadness over powers me. I miss you and I want you back. I want to hold you again. I need you…

I love you.

Please continue holding me like you always do. Hold me because my heart is with you.

I wipe the tear and message my left arm. It still hurts from the colliding I did with the rocks. I managed to hit my head as well causing me to loose conscious.

"Hey babe."

I feel two strong arms wrap around me. I turned to look at him.

My savior.

He managed to grasp my hand just in time before I crashed down to the bottom of the hill. He kissed the top of my head, right where I hit my head. I turn around to him and pull him into an embrace. He held me tightly there and tears streamed down my cheek.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

**Just something I had stuck in my mind and i wrote it. OCD but mehhhh i hope you enjoyed it :). Oh and to clear things up. She's not dead, Eddie was able to grab her hand but she hit her head falling unconscious and the Ending they were at the cemetary :).**

**stay true,**

**Leddiexx**


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